You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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