Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
