I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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