i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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