She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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