My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
