On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
pop tarts are not kleenex
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
