We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
