ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
