were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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