I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
