Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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