we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he fucked my hip out of place.
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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