why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
