But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
