my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
