it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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