She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
