I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
