I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
