Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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