I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
