Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
