Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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