OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
