Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
