...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
