Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
