I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
