i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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