sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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