I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
where does the pee come out of this thing
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
