dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
