oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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