I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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