I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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