Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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