he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
