he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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