so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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