he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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