either way he was missing a nipple.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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