In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
