ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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