Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
