So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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