had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
