Where is the hickey?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
