Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
