i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
