i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
