i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
