I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
