I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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