so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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