I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
