I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
