11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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