Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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