He felt like a one man threesome
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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