need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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