My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
