I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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