I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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