I just saw a hot homeless man
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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