Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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