omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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