the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
