That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
