I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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