I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
