hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
