So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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