the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
