i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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