I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
