me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
