You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
